I have written about how this year has been a particularly bad one for me. It hasn’t been the worst year I have ever had its just been a battle. There have been lots of problems and hiccups and its been so frustrating. I feel like I am pushing against a wall that wont budge. I’m struggling to stay motivated and focused. I’m really hoping that 2016 will be a bit easier
I suffer from depression and anxiety. I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 16. I have come to accept that this is part of my make up and I need to manage it accordingly. I have found that the pressure of this year has really accentuated my depression, I have felt low… a lot and I also find myself constantly worrying.
Now, if you have ever experience chronic depression and anxiety you will know that its like being in a deep dark hole (depression), with constant voices whispering in your ear ( anxiety), telling you that everything is not OK. Its not something that you can shake off and its not a case of just having a bad day. I cant recall a time in my life when I didn’t carry these little ‘friends’ of mine with me. Its just a matter of how heavy they feel at a particular time.
And so I have found that this year I have worried….A LOT! I worry about anything and everything.
I worry that I am not working hard enough or that I haven’t done a good enough job. Even though if I really dig deep I know that I am doing as much as I can do.
I worry about my weight, and keep beating myself up for gaining four kilos of the 16 I lost.
I worry that I am not bringing in enough money.
I worry about other people. My mom, Jayden, my friends, my hubby.
And then I worry that I worry too much!!!
Sometimes its quite an overwhelming feeling, its all consuming and I struggle to focus when my anxiety is at its height.
There are certain people that I have in my life that I can vent to. I treasure these souls, but the relief is temporary. My other friend, wine, also helps to a certain extent……but that’s temporary too!
I honestly wonder when I will stop worrying and if there is anything that I can do to stop my worrying.
Its definitely not pleasant!
Are you also a worrier? What do you do to reduce the amount of worrying you do?